I have made the decision not to go back to North Central next semester. Can I say that this is the hardest decision I have ever had to make? Just thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes. But what I heard today in childcare training today totally blew my little world out of the water.
I recently started working in a Preschool. As much as I love children, I was against the idea when Mom brought it up as an idea for a job. I didn't want to feel like I was raising someone else's kids. I didn't (and still don't!) like the idea of me taking the place as mommy. But when the Lord directed me to this Pre-k while I was going to pick up my contacts from the optometrists' office next door, I figured He had a plan in all of this. I went in, met the owner and some workers, applied, interviewed and got the job!
I began working with the babies--five to be exact, my youngest being five months. The more time I spent with these precious babies, the more I began to feel attached to them. Playing with them, feeding them their bottles, and even changing their diapers has given me an opportunity to bond with them. It took me awhile to get used to keeping up with many different schedules, but once I had the rhythm of the job down, I really began to enjoy the babies. I mean, really enjoy them. I believe children are a gift...I believed that for a long time...in my head. But in recent weeks, that head knowledge has become heart knowledge...I realized that I truly love these babies--all of them! They are precious...innocent...cute...cuddly.
That is why today, as we were discussing different aspects of child abuse, I was grieved in my spirit. Some of the stories we heard about child physical and sexual abuse and neglect were so terrible and appalling that I will not even bother to repeat them on this blog. Not to mention told in explicit detail. We were fully educated and informed about what to look for in abuse. Some of the most common objects used for physical abuse, made me tear up at the thought. Feelings of sadness and anger crawled at my heart...how could anyone possible THINK of doing any harm to young children, let alone babies? These stories are every parent's nightmare. What made me even more upset was realizing that abuse is not limited to toddlers who can walk and up. Even the youngest can suffer abuse...the devil is out to steal, kill and destroy these precious little ones before they've had a chance to really live.
I left emotionally drained. Depression crawled at me for the duration of the day. God, why are people so...cruel?
Later tonight, as I was thinking about these things, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. I grieve for those little ones too.
It hit me: He loves those sweet babies more than I ever can...and His next sentence brought peace to my heart. Don't you remember that My Word says that I will give them back the years that the cankerworm have eaten?
I believe that. With all my heart. I wish every parent and every childcare worker knew just how powerful God's Word is when dealing with children and babies. Are things always going to be easy for these babies? Probably not. Would some of them experience trauma and tragedy? Yes, it's a part of life. God was telling me to not worry about the babies. No matter what happened He would always be there with them. He always gives the victory through Jesus (2 Corinthians 15:57)...yes, there is hope, even if a child has already experienced abuse and neglect. No matter how terrible the situation is, God is always there to love and comfort grieving parents, childcare workers, and the children themselves.
Yes, there is much evil in this world. But, we have hope in Jesus that everything is going to be alright!
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.
And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.