Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Learning to Trust

Finances fell through and I wasn't able to go to NCU this fall. Needless to say, I was so upset. But then I realize, this is what trusting God is all about.

I have always prayed for God to order my steps. I have prayed His plan to come to pass in my life. Even now, I'm still dealing with the pain of disappointment when I realized I couldn't go back to NCU. We drove up hoping that provision would be there--but we also understand that His provision is connected with His plan.

What was frustrating is that everytime I would ask, "God am I going back to NCU?" He wouldn't say yes. He wouldn't say no. He always, with His still small voice would say, "Stick with Me. I got a plan." Anything beyond that was wishful thinking.

It was hard, perhaps the hardest thing I have ever had to do. For in giving up my plans for this semester to God, I was giving up something precious--NCU for the fall. My heart was in Minneapolis with Steps to Beauty, with the girls on my floor, with my brothers on 4 East Carlson,my dear friend I ride to church with every Sunday, and with my brothers and sisters at Encounter. My heart broke when I realized that this was not in God's plan for me at least right now.

I have cherished my time at NCU. I've met many godly people, and have grown deeper in my faith. I even had a big attitude adjustment just before Spring Break that helped me to enjoy living up North, away from the warm weather. God had gotten me to the point where I could be joyful even if I was having a bad day. I was satisfied living up North. So the fact that God brought me back to the South makes no sense after that big attitude adjustment! (Btw, you can read it on my blog! I posted it in March, I believe, of this year.)

One phrase I think that has been dumbed down and overused more than anything has been the phrase "I trust God." Do we really trust Him? When we were driving up to Minnesota with some of my things for school and to get the stuff out of the storage unit to take to the dorm room, it was hard not knowing what was going to happen next. Trusting Him is harder than it looks. I had my plan--which I assumed was God's plan. And it was hard driving up not knowing if the provision would be there or not. But I always heard that still small voice saying, "Stick with Me, I got a plan."

And after hearing Brother Keith Moore's sermon on trust, I realized that no matter what happened, I would have to put my trust in God. No matter what happened. The time when it was hardest to trust Him was the time I needed to trust Him more than anything else.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

With all your heart.

This means that I need to put my trust in Him. No ands, ifs, buts, or ors. And no "I trust Him when..."

It should be "I trust Him." Period.

If I start adding qualifiers, that's when I begin to miss it. He wants us to be solid, even when things are crashing down on us. We can trust Him with our lives because the Bible says that He will make our paths straight and that His plan for us is good (Jeremiah 29:11).

Is this what I would have chosen a month ago? Probably not. But I can already see that it's going to be a great semester! I'm getting to hang with my friends at church more! These people are on fire for God and desire a deeper relationship with Him just like I do.

Romans 8:28. "And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love Him; who are called according to His purpose."